I came across this while researching bears the last few days. It has been a little over a week since my bear sighting. Since then I have watched two documentaries on grizzly bear attacks and can now rattle off bear attack stats like no one's business.
Fortunately, I also came across information about the intelligence and majesty of Bears. Although there is a part of me that is scared to death about the possibility of coming across one again, there is a part of me that is drawn to them, to what they have to teach.
And so when I feel conflicted and need to make sense of experiences, I paint.
I put down layer after layer on the canvas and I soul searched all while vacillating between fear and awe.
And this is what began to emerge.
A girl, a bear, and a cave.
And I began to recall the conversation I had with my husband in the car on the way to the trail head. I talked about my need to really believe in my art, my need to be more grounded, to be more fearless in pursuing my dream to sell my art and teach.
I realize I've just been going through the motions, not really getting anywhere, like a hamster in a wheel. Without answering the question of "why" I paint, I don't know how successful I'll be on this journey. Isn't that really what this is all about? The "why"? Isn't that what can fuel this while thing for me? I know right now that I feel alive when I paint and I'm tired of spinning my wheels.
I believe is why I saw the Bear and why it has stuck with me this last week the way it has. Bear is reminding me that I need to answer that question and that the answer will only be found by going deep withing "the cave". (Why is it always like that?) I also believe that like a mama bear asleep in her den, there is a fierce Bad Ass inside me, slumbering away, and waiting to be called on as I journey to my dreams. Perhaps the bear also teaches me that it's time to wake her up.
Eventually this lovely girl and her Bear will end up in the shop. She is painted on a deep edge 16x20 stretched canvas. For now she hangs in the wall in my studio and continues to teach me her lessons. To inquire about this piece, please email at email@example.com.